Do you really need that many?

Qayyum came to me one night telling me that he missed his old school, Tadika Pintar Jaya. When I asked him the reason for him to feel that way, his reply took me aback.  He told he did not have as many friends as he did then. I was sad at the thought of my Qayyum being friendless or even lacking in it, a trait he could possibly have inherited from me!

I continued with the conversation by asking him who he had his recesses with and also of  his relationship with his peers in the classroom, therefore, when he told me his friends were  Shafiq, Humaira, Faris, Nadzmi, Hadi, Harris, Amir from 1 Iman, Ammar from 1 Ridzwan, and the list goes on, he did not seem to have any problem at all. He definitely has many friends, but the sad look on his face signalled that there was still something boggling his mind. So, I decided to ask him just how many friends did he want and his reply was, "Everyone in my class".

Yup, it is natural for little boys like him to feel that way because as an adult, I have that same feeling too, all the time. If only I had more friends than just one, life would be all hearts and flowers for me.  But, when I kept on thinking about the friends I have who are not near me, my face would light up into a glow and I would get a warm feeling blanketing all over  me.

 I recently got back in touch with one of my childhood friend Erni Suharto who was the only person to strike up a conversation with me the moment I set foot in SKSTB.  I just got back from Canada after my father's posting ended and hardly knew a single word of Bahasa Melayu.  People told Erni to stay away from me for many reasons but she never succumbed to their intentions.  She remained my friend, my only friend, a very good and close friend, who never spoke a bad word about me until we reached high school  when we went our separate ways.  I stopped thinking about her when I was in Form 3, but I guess she never did that to me.  She managed to find me through my brother's blog and now, we have come back to being friends again.  That, is what I call a good friend.

A second good friend would be Doria.  She came into my classroom during the first year after the matriculation course.  We wondered how did she possibly make it in the class and what programme was she from.  She was a lucky one but I was luckier because she decided to be friends with me.  Even when I was up there in Edinburgh and she, in London, we never failed to send ourselves cards even if it was only  for once a while.   Above all that she has done for me, I am forever indebted to her for sticking by me in the good times and also the bad, for ignoring what others said about me, and only saw the goodness.  And today, she is one of the very few who constantly keeps in touch with me. 

Ayu and Faith, my two best friends..the two people who picks me up everytime I am down, who accepted me when everyone turned their backs on me for my misdeeds, who learned to love me. Ayu, forever willing to pick up her phone during the deepest hours of the night just to hear me babble on about my dissatisfaction towards the world and its inhibitants. Angelic, that is what they are...purely angelic.

So, here, when people have a dozen of friends to spend their birthdays with, or a dozen to talk about, I have only 4.  But I am not ashamed because these four have the hearts of a hundred souls each.  If you are reading this my dearest Qayyum, do you really need to have ten handfuls of friends?  The number of friends you have really would not count if they are not good friends at all for what matters the most is how many out of the hundreds can you claim as your very good ones.  And that is just what I told him that night. Don't find too many friends but what he should be looking for is too many good friends!

This is purely my ramblings for today on my experiences, nothing that has to do with yours.

Simple Social Etiquette Heading for Extinction..

As a person, I have to admit that my human package comes complete with an abundance of flaws; imperfect in my conduct and mannerism at times.  Realizing this fact about me, as a parent now, to 3 marvelous children, I hope I am able to educate them the best way possible not only academically but most importantly in terms of their social etiquette.

Today, I was at the Giant supermarket near my Mam's home with my first two munchkins just strolling along lane after lane.  We were at one isle when this lady took a packet of Maggi to have another fall on the ground.  Did she have any decency to pick it up? The answer is NO! She merely looked at it and scurried away. Since she was able to ignore it, the devil in me took control and told me to do just the same until I was put to shame after Qayyum picked it up and put it back on the shelf.  I thanked my son for his act to which he replied "I didn't make it fall, Mum." I was instantly embarrased at myself because I saw the thing fall first and decided to ignore it while this 7 year-old boy did the total opposite.

 After getting what I needed , as my first two children were with me, I decided to bring them to the playground there that they love so much.  One thing that Iman loves about the playground  is the free rides provided.  First come, first serve is a social rule that I respect and always abide to.  Upon reaching the rides, when things are free, you would see that it is always occupied. Not wanting to see a disappointed look on her face, I stood  right beside that pony she wanted to go on with her, waiting for our turn.   We had been queuing for 15 minutes when the girl who was on the pony finally got the message that the pony was public property, decided to go down and give other sapient a chance on it .  But the best thing that happened was..as Iman was taking her sandals off  to get on it, came another gentleman who conveniently settled his daughter on the pony that we had been waiting for, for a total of 15 minutes (plus another 30 seconds while waiting for her to get the sandals off).  It's not a long period for us adults, but for kids, it seemed forever! So, we had to wait another 5 minutes and  I said mighty loud to Iman "It's ok Baby, kita sabar jer. Tunggu je lagi!! Don't run around, beratur jer macam tadi." I guess that got the man feeling guilty because he started this small conversations asking how old Iman was, where she went to school yadda,yadda,yadda.  Two rounds on the pony later, my gal got her chance which delighted her to the extent that there was no more room on her face for her to be smiling from ear to ear!

My kids have often forgotten to say their "thank yous" to people but my husband and I are always quick to reprimand them fearing it would become a habit hard to break and I get really annoyed at children who don't say it and it gets more annoying when their parents don't even say anything to correct their child!!  Well, for children below 10 years old is fathomable but for those who are above that age just comes across to me as mighty rude.  Saying 'please and thank you' is considered to be the most fundamental aspect of the social etiquette. Why is it that some find it extremely difficult to practise?  I have encountered many situations with cashiers who never say thank you to me when handing in my change and even when I say it to them, sarcastically, they would just give me an insincere smile. These cashiers should be reminded of the fact that the purchasing power of customers are what gives them the salary to enable them to paint their faces with awfully heavy make-up!!  So little girl at the gift shop in Kuantan Specialist Hospital, hope you are reading this and won't forget to say thank you anymore!!! ( I have 'tegur'ed her twice, but you know, if you are just bloody rude, you're just bloody rude!!)

The next issue I would like to touch on is the under usage of saying "excuse me" when you need to interrupt other people's conversation.  I have this colleague who does this on a regular basis.  At first, we thought that she might have done it accidently but when it happened every single time she needed to cut into other people's conversation, definitely it's just her.  Nobody is more important than anybody else when it comes to conversations.  I believe everybody has the right to converse and having said that, even if you feel that one gossiping about Mr. X or Madam Y is just a waste of your precious time to listen to, still, let them finish off their sentence before you decide to butt in with the things you need to say thinking it is more important and above anything else. For starters, you will definitely not fall into your grave by saying "Excuse me, can I interrupt for a while.."

I have never for once felt repulsed to enter a public toilet in  the shopping malls of Belgium or even at Moray House where I was studying. Sadly, that is not the case here.  In Malaysia, how many of you can say that you have always entered a public toilet that is immaculately clean?  If you can say yes, then I envy you!!   Just last two weeks,  a couple of friends and I entered a WC to be welcomed by a huge pile of S**T lying there in the toilet bowl of the first cubicle.  That was a whopper that nearly made us puke.  We went to the second cubicle and it wasn't as terrible as the first with bits and pieces of tissue paper scattered on the floor.  I went to the third and I was greeted by sanitary pads with fresh blood stains on it. These are a normal sight for me when I enter the public toilets here.  Today, it is a sanitary pad, tomorrow would be diapers lying there on the floor, the next day might be a condom I suppose apart from the cigarette butts or other forms of rubbish.  Has it ever occured to them the existance of a trash  can is for us to dispose our rubbish?  My children are aways reminded to use the trash can, and if they cannot find one , then they should hold on to it until they  do. Why is it that cleanliness which should be a part of our daily routine become something extremely difficult to carry out.  Is it a sign that Malaysians are simply unhygienic? Is cleanliness only compulsory when you are abroad, is it only part of a facade to blend in with our western counterparts?  

These are only a few examples out of the millions that I can think of .  I am not saying that I am a saint  for I am never one and I have had a few lapses here and there regarding the things I am  talking on now,  but I can guarantee you, they are but only unintentional! Children are children and what do they know most of the times  about  queing up or not cutting the queue and all as they rely closely on their elders, or most approapriately their parents to examplify good values for them to mimick.  Sadly, these are the values that are fast deteriorating among us!

Do not be offended,  I am merely talking on my personal experiences which may not be relevant at all to yours.  This is my plain ramblings for today. 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

I asked my dearie if I could spend a whole week at my Mam's house in Sg. Tua before we head back to his hometown in Segamat so I could bring the kids on excursions here and also for the fact that I wanted to fulfill my insatiable lust for shopping to which he agreed.  I should be elated, him not being around to curb my ruthless spending ways giving me full authority to just shop, shop, shop and bring the kids around. 

He went back to Kerteh last night and today I was supposed to start my sessions of retail therapy, however, somehow I was feeling a bit low so I did not go out.  The only highlight was when I brought the kids to the swimming pool for a dip under the mild sunlight.  Qayyum can now swim without his floats, Iman is confident to be in the water that she has allowed me and her Alang and Uncle Chu to let her go and Khalida is a daredevil now and is fearless that she jumped in the pool expecting us to catch her, and not only that she is contented just bobbing up and down in the water like an apple in a tub. (wearing her floats, of course)

The kids have now retired and I am my own company.  I should be planning what I want to do tomorrow, where I want to go, what I want to buy but all those seem meaningless to me because I am yearning for him, my dearie!! Although having a girl's day out is a normal occurrence  back home in Kerteh, but at the end of the day, I know that I would be at home reaching out my arms to him when he returns from work. But today, my arms are vacant and no one else can fill in that void except for him.  I am aching, my heart is breaking!!! I miss him so...

It is ironic that I was the one who wanted to be here, now I only want to be there with him.  My life isn't complete today, I have got my children, my bundle of joy but it is incomplete without him, the savior of my soul, the pillar of my family.  Babes, I love you..just so you know!